Lindsay Lohan mistakes quilt batting for crack cocaine.

Okay, so I lied. She didn't really. But I think maybe she should, if only because it would further my delusion that the things I think somehow come to pass.

Of course, if that were always true, then this morning, there would have been a little old lady on the bus who was inexplicably eaten by a gigantic purple monster that was sitting next to her. And really that would happen on an almost weekly basis. Someone would always be getting eaten by something on the 147 express bus to downtown.

Perhaps a giant Macy's Thanksgiving day parade balloon of Lindsay Lohan would snort that little old lady and then float away on the gases of her own celebrity-swollen head.

No?

Then perhaps you should just visit my etsy.com shop instead.

ChilledMonkeyBrains

Go. Now. Enjoy. Buy. Love.